


The missing part of a lonely heart

by AoiRingo



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Good relation between brothers, I cried writing it, Kisses, M/M, Self-Hatred, Sexual Tension, Yuuta x Shinobu mention, cute parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-09 23:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12286314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AoiRingo/pseuds/AoiRingo
Summary: Any situation can end in disaster if we let our feeling control us.





	The missing part of a lonely heart

Deciding to work in a video club was one of the worst decisions I've ever made, well, the problem is not the video club itself, it is the fact of working on the night shift. Sure, it has an amazing wage. Sure, that timetable allows me to hide it better from Yuuta. And sure, I've never done something so fucking boring.

The clock sounds as loud as the commercial music we have to create a good atmosphere, from time to time somebody enters the shop so the bell joins the fantastic symphony, a symphony I titled "Monotony". And how do I spend the time there? Working of course! Ok, ok, I usually read something, this kind of shops don't have that many clients so nobody cares, sometimes I walk around to check if everything is in order because my body can't stay that many hours without moving, unless I want to fall asleep, in that case not moving is the best option.

Today is as boring as always with the difference that fewer clients have entered and that I'm tired because we have had a live at the beginning of this evening. It turned up pretty well so Yuuta was happy and so would I if it wasn't because I had to work today. The doorbell announces a client, and his footsteps sound quite in a hurry. I welcome him but I don't look at his direction. Yeah, I know it is a man because at that time we almost never have female clients and because the footsteps reveal more about a person than we think. Less than fifteen minutes have passed since he entered the shop when he puts four DVDs in the counter; his hands are pretty big, full of roughness and are a bit tanned, very manly hands for my perspective. I look at his face for the first time while I start checking the DVDs, he is wearing a hoodie that covers his hair and part of his face but I can tell he is not looking at my direction. I know why he is avoiding my face and I know that he is blushing more every minute I stay in silence:

“Tetsu you are underage, you can't rent this, “I say this trying not to start laughing out loud, just with a cordial smile and holding a gay porn film so he can see perfectly of what I'm talking about. Being honest, the other films are just innocent action films, he KNOWS of which one I'm talking without having to do this, it's just I want to see what face he will put.

“How did ya recognize me...”

“Come on, we are classmates and I'm smart enough to recognize the people I see every day,” I guess I can't tell him that maybe I pay more attention to him than to the others, so, I would probably be able to find him in a crowd in a blink of an eye.

“Aaah, this is the worst” his face is almost as red as his highlights. Cute.

“The question is, who the hell rents this kind of films nowadays when you can have whatever you want online,” I have to think in something to tease him now, I can't miss that chance.” Maybe the karate practices are getting hotter this days and you don't know how to deal with this tension,” he looks a bit tense now, maybe I've gone a bit far.

“I told ya I'm not in love with Taishou.”

“Not anymore~” he looks more serious, shit “but maybe there is another person,” he looks away again. BINGO.

“That's not it.”

“Come on, you can't lie, who is it this time?”

“I told ya, that's not the case. It's just that after today's practice we started talking about stuff... And I got curious.” That is bullshit, I know perfectly that today Ryuseitai had the day off because Shinobu came to the backstage when we finished our performance.

“So... It's somebody from your unit? Midori? Shinobu? Or maybe it's a senpai like the other time.”

“He is not from my unit,” he starts blushing again when he says that, he knows he's just fucked up his lie. Too easy.

“Mmmmm.... So, who is he?

“Ya don't know him, so stop it, ok?” He just stays there with his face red and I start to feel a bit angry, not with him, with myself for being right. I was happier with his lame lie (the one that lasted 5 minutes).

“At least tell me who recommended you to rent this, his idea was horrible but funny at the same time.”

“It was Shinkai-senpai,” he scratches a bit his cheek, something he always does when is embarrassed, maybe it’s him, Shinkai Kanata. He tends to fall for his role models, I was thinking of Chiaki, but who cares, both senpais are people worth admiring. Not like me. I’m just disgusting. I keep my smile and put the innocent DVDs in a bag.

“Nice, I will thank him for this fantastic moment,” I give him the bag, maybe with too much energy, maybe that was an aggressive movement, “the price is on the screen,” he looks a bit shocked at my attitude.

“Hinata, did ya get hurt in today’s performance?”

“No, I’m fine,” I’m always fine, I must be always fine “I’m just a bit tired” I put the best smile I can. I’m not sure if I’m angry or sad, I just want to scream.

“If ya need something, just ask, ya can count on me whenever ya want,” he smiles and closes his hand making a fist. I love that smile, that pure smile, and I hate how much I want it just for myself.

“If that’s true, tell me which plans did you have for this DVD,” I just have to be ‘me’, that way I can forget that feeling.

“So, ya are like this just because I didn’t tell ya that? Then I’ll tell ya if ya promise not to laugh,” just the way he reacted calms that weird feeling, so carefree but so caring at the same time.

“I can’t promise anything,” I laugh, that time because I truly feel like it. He seems pleased with that answer.

“Well… I…” he scratches once more his cheek and looks away, it's like an invitation to tease him “I want some references,” for a second I’m speechless but I come with an idea in a blink of an eye.

“Mmmm… So, it’s just that, you want some references, to, for example, use them later with that mysterious person”

“I don’t think he sees me in that way” he is making a bittersweet face, like when he talked about Kuro in the past.

“But… As far as I know, you haven’t kissed anybody yet and you want to go farther” I wish I could make him forget, so he could be truly happy, forget Kuro, forget the new one.

“Geez, I know, but… I don’t know, I want to be ready. That’s the way a man should be” he rubs his hair, “I want to give my best, I want to make him happy, ya know? That’s why I have to know everything,” he is looking straight into my eyes. As he says when he sings with his unit; he truly represents the burning fighting spirit.

“If you want,” that’s not fair for him “I can help you”, I don’t know if it’s part of the teasing or just a selfish desire of making him forget for just a moment, “I can teach you this kind of things” I reach out to touch his face, an egoistic desire of wanting him just to think of me, at least for a moment.

Contrary of what I expected he doesn't go away. He just looks away.

"Ahaha... Don't joke about it"

"I'm not joking, I can teach you everything you need, if you want, of course. We are friends after all, you can trust me, right?"

Our eyes meet but in a different way. It's not like always, something is different. I take that as an invitation, I lean on the counter to get closer. I can feel the warmth of his face, before I close my eyes I appreciate the view, his red cheeks, his amber eyes full of confusion; I dreamed so many times of this moment, in my dreams it was in a better place, in a better atmosphere, but now I don’t care about it. I get closer slowly, maybe too slow, as if I wanted him to run away; I close my eyes and I softly kiss him like he was some kind of delicate object that would break at any moment, it could also be that I’m not as aggressive as I feel. I separate and open my eyes just to find Tetora looking straight at me, before I could go any further he places his hand on my face as I did, and takes my hand.

I have no time to react, I’ve barely closed my (wide open) eyes once again when he kisses me. Not as I did.

More passionate.

More demanding.

In just one word: fiery.

He opens his lips slightly and I copy the movement to make the kiss deeper, his hand moves from my face to the back neck, touching my hair. This was like a warning, because at that moment our tongues meet, just for a moment, but it was just what I need to get out of that trance. No kiss experience? My ass. I can’t believe THAT comes from a person who claims that he has never kissed another person. As I start to think my participation in the kiss decrease so suddenly Tetora stops and I look at him at the eyes, he looks away.

“I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” he turns away and leaves the shop almost running.

“I guess that’s not what friends do…”

I fucked everything in a blink of an eye… To be honest, I was pretty happy with my friendship with him, just being next to him made me forget the monster I am, he made me happier than he could imagine but now I’m by myself…Again.

The next hours of the shift are a living hell, nobody enters the shop; it’s just me, crying silently with my forehead resting on my hands waiting for the moment to leave. I’m not sure what is the worst part: to have destroyed the relation we have for just a jealousy attack or still feel his hands and his lips, like a ghost haunting me.

When I arrive home all the lights are, obviously, turned off; I wasn’t waiting for a warm welcoming, but it would have been nice for once. I walk directly to the bedroom that I share with Yuuta, he is already sleeping soundly and I feel sorry for what I’m about to do. I’m sorry to bother him too.

“Yuuta,” I shake him slightly “come on Yuuta, wake up” he turns to give me his back.

“Not now aniki, I’m tired if you want to make me some prank wait until tomorrow morning”

“It’s nothing like that” he babbles a bit and turns again but towards me, this time with the eyes half opened.

“Are you crying?” I look away when he says those words, I don’t know which lame face I’m making, I don’t know if I’m really crying or if it’s just the remains of my breakdown.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” it has been a while since the last time we sleep together, we used to do that when we were kids but the distance broke that tradition.

“Sure” he moves to a side to give me enough space and when I get into the bed he hugs me like we used to do.

And I start to cry once again.

The night was long, and when I get up I have no strength or will to do anything, so I tell Yuuta I got a cold last night. The best lie in the world, I mean, it’s not like I woke him up and cried in front of him until we fell asleep. I spend the whole day in the bed, trying to fuse myself with it and disappear, and Yuuta has left to meet Sora and Mitsuru, we usually meet to go to the concerts of our classmates and friends. Today Ryuuseitai has a concert, on a normal day I would go to the concert with them and when it had finished, we would go to a café or something like that together with Shinobu, Midori, and Tetora… So, yeah, I spend a peaceful day in my bed, ignoring the messages I receive, the time passes by slowly, but it hasn’t got the heaviness of last night. Yuuta arrives home at six, sooner than I expected and more worried.

“Hey, did you have fun?” he looks at me with a troubled expression.

“I talked with Tetora” I feel like something has fallen in my stomach and I started to feel sick but I laugh to cover the feeling

“But that is not something new, we go out all together for quite a long time you have talked with him many times” I smile to keep going with my mask.

“We talked about you… Well, the right word would be that we kind of argue a bit…” the feeling of sickness grows, and my smile fades away.

“Wait, what?”

“When we went to the backstage to congratulate them for the concert and Tetora saw you were not there he asked me if I could apologize for him…”

“And then?”

“I didn’t want to, but I saw how you were yesterday so, I yell at him that he should be a man and do it himself, and I left and came back home… I’m sorry aniki”

“No, it’s fine,” I look at the ceiling unable to say anything, I’m afraid to think too much about what Yuuta has just told me and start to cry again.

“What happened yesterday… I know that you are in love with him but if he did something bad I’ll fig-“

“Is it that obvious? That I’m in love with him” I look at his face, he still has that troubled expression.

“Yes, I mean, no. What I want to say is that I’m your brother, I know you, I think,” he has such a sad face, probably matching mine, that the only thing I come up is that I shouldn’t tell him anything, at least one of us should be truly happy. And I prefer Yuuta to be the chosen one.

“We better leave that topic, I’ll go to prepare the dinner,” Yuuta knits his eyebrows probably not very happy with the change of topic, but he nods and I stand up.

We are alone at home, in some way we have always been alone; just the two of us. So, after all, we have each other. However, one day I realize the way Shinobu and Yuuta look at each other and then is when I felt what is the loneliness if somebody can make Yuuta happy nobody needs me in this world; that’s what I thought back then, but somebody put his arm around my shoulders and smiled. Yes, that smile saves me from returning home and so something irreversible. His smile, his way of seeing the world, every move, … I feel how my eyes are tearful again and I rub them when somebody rings the bell. I try to clean better my face with my t-shirt before I open the door.

Shinobu is standing shyly in the door, the same reaction as every time I am the one opening the door instead of Yuuta.

“Yuuta is in the living room, I’ll go to make the dinner if you want you can eat with us,” Shinobu nods and says something that I can’t hear, I guess he agreed with the dinner plan. The moment I intend to close the door, it bumps into something: a foot. Somebody pushes slowly the door from the other side like if they were afraid of hitting me or to enter, the only thing I can do in that situation is to hold tightly the doorknob as if that only thing will give me the power to avoid crying again. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not sad, it’s a feeling of helplessness mixed bitterly with the despair of having fucked up my friendship with the first and only person I’ve fallen in love with.

“Hinata? I need to talk with ya,” I keep holding the door, it’s open, but not enough to see each other’s faces.

“I am sorry, I have things to do, see you tomorrow Tetsu,” my voice hesitates at the end of the sentence, but I don’t know if it’s for saying his name, or because maybe we won’t have a tomorrow. I try to close the door but Tetora is stronger so the door remains open.

“I… I need to do it now, I won’t bother ya for long,” his voice is sad, I know this tone, he uses it when he has no chances, when he knows that no matter how hard he fights for it, the battle is already lost, when his heart is broken. Maybe it’s just that, he wants to talk with me about that, I always cheer him… But after yesterday I’m not sure if I can do it anymore.

“Leave it for tomorrow, you can tell me whatever you want then.”

“No, please,” he pushes the door a bit more, enough to allow me to see his face, he is sad but decided; and he sees my face, almost crying. I close my eyes to avoid his look, at least I won’t see his face of pity if I start to cry once again, “I’m sorry”

“What?” I freeze for a moment and open my eyes. His expression is most troubled than before.

“I couldn’t do it alone, I’m not a man.”

“What are you talking about?” at this point, I am not really sure if we are in the same timeline.

“I’m pathetic,” I decide to open the door to see him better, “Yuuta was right, I should apologize myself, be a man but I wasn’t stronger enough to come here by myself and confront ya,” he is not looking at me, maybe he hasn’t done it since he arrived, I take a step and touch his arm to comfort him.

“Are you okay?” I start to worry for him with all his monologue, and somehow, I left my sadness behind.

“See? And now you are comforting me, ya are always helping me. I’m just a pathetic brat, it’s natural you can’t fall for me,” and a silence falls between us, a heavy and long silence. It takes me a few seconds to realize the information that he has let slip. We look at each other, Tetora’s eyes are open in shock and his cheeks are red, and mine is probably a similar version but with the mouth half open, as if some words were about to leave. I squeeze his arm to make sure that the person in front is real and not a dream created to heal my heart.

“But you run away,” my eyes are teary again and I don’t know for how long I will be able to control my tears.

“I was afraid… I didn’t want to hurt ya and kissing ya in that way was not fair for ya,” I feel completed for the first time in a long time, is the same feeling from when you complete a puzzle “but in that moment, I couldn’t confront my feeling and I run. I’m not a man yet, I can’t take care of anyon-“before he could finish the sentence I kiss him. The tears I was holding fall down my face and despite their salty taste, that kiss was the sweetest thing I’ve ever taste.

“We are a pair of idiots,” I rest my forehead on his shoulder after finishing the kiss; I am smiling like I never did before, “I’ve been in love with you for a long time and I was too self-centered that I didn’t notice that your feelings had changed,” he puts the hand in my hair and caress it slowly.

“With that, ya are telling me, that ya will go out with me? I mean, not as friends, we already go out as friends, but as a couple,” I laugh, he can’t stop talking and making a mess all by himself. I hug him without raising my head from his shoulder and he uses his free arm to hug me back.

“You don’t even have to ask it”

“I promise ya that I’ll make ya happy Hinata,” I put my hand in his face and kiss him once again.

“You started to make me happy the day we meet,” he kisses me back. A long kiss that accelerates my heartbeats. Passionate like yesterday, but without any kind of hurry. It’s not our first kiss, but is the one that marks the beginning of a future together.

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeey~ Maybe I'm a bad person but I hope you cried reading it as much as I did when I was writing. The idea of this story was to make some lemon/smut (whatever) but Hinata decided not to come home during the scouts so I changed my mind, I wanted to make him suffer but, at the end, the one crying (happy tears included) was only myself! But to be honest, the important is that you enjoy the story despite the drama. Thanks for reading!  
> Update: A friend has drawn a scene of the fic. You can see it here: https://www.twitter.com/LadyPaina/status/923553715688300544


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